DIAGNOSIS
The Short Version
Q) What’s going on with my health? What was I diagnosed with?
A) I was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis. I’ve been dealing with the symptoms for quite some time, it seems.
Q) What is this blah-dee-blah-blah-itis?
A) It’s a thing that hurts a lot, but the right medicine, proper nutrition, and proper exercise should keep me well.
Q) Will I still be able to work towards all my goals, professionally and personally?
A) Yes.
Q) Can I still play drums, percussion, and other instruments?
A) We’ll give this a resounding YES!
The Real Version
This year has been the most physically, emotionally, professionally, and personally challenging year of my life.
A few years ago, I began experiencing on-and-off pain in my right leg. It was as if certain muscles were continuously activated and aggravated, and it caused a severe limp, muscle spasms, and a lot of pain. I attended physical therapy for a while, and it improved for a short time.
However, this year was different. The pain came back during the 2017 holiday season, and then went away. and came back again. and went away…again.
Before I knew it, I started feeling general leg pain until it was suddenly localized in my right foot in May of this year (2018). The severe limping continued.
Cue the most hellish summer of my life.
The pain increased, more and more. I tried physical therapy again, and I attempted to continue with my life. However the pain grew so much that one ankle became swollen, both feet were “on fire” with pain, and the rest of my body fell into pain as well (neck/shoulders, upper back, lower back, hip, legs).
It was not long until my body forced me to stop. I honored as many professional and personal commitments as possible before I couldn’t do anymore. I finally acquiesced to my body, and I began a difficult time of “rest”.
I stopped all work. No more being on my feet. No more playing drums or percussion. It was time to cease all activity and find the true answer to my mysterious pain. I’m lucky I even had the opportunity to do so.
The pain grew even worse. I figured being off my feet would make everything better quickly. I was very, very wrong. I knew there were others in the world with much worse pain, but thinking about them did not necessarily help alleviate any of my pain. In my world, this was the worst I had experienced to date. I had to wear a medical boot. I couldn’t stand, sit, walk, or lay down without extreme pain. Every day that I chose to take a shower, I risked suffering a disastrous fall due to severe instability. My amazingly sweet mother-in-law lent me her walker so I could attempt to inch from the bed, to the restroom, and to the couch. Rinse, repeat. I couldn’t sleep at all. I would lie in bed from ten o’clock at night until five-thirty in the morning when April woke up for work, having not slept a wink. And that was nowhere near the worst part.
Fear reared its ugly head. It was, quite literally, crippling fear. The weeks and weeks of cabin fever took a huge toll on my mind, my heart, and my soul. I was terrified for my life and my family. Did this mean I have to give up on my dreams? Did this reduced mobility nullify my dream of playing music with up to all four of my limbs? Will I even be able to pursue a career that involves standing at all? Do I have to give up on everything that I’ve worked for? Will I be a large inconvenience to all my family, friends, and colleagues? Will I let everyone down? Did my recent complacency already doom the chances of any sort of success or achievement in my life? Am I even going to make it past my twenties? Is this all my fault? (No, it’s not.) Most importantly, did I eat too much Taco Bell all these years? Cue the taco emoji. 🌮
After several appointments with multiple medical specialists, hours of consultation, theories, treatment efforts, years of mystery, research, and a few prescriptions, I believe I finally have a diagnosis to explain at least part of this pain.
I have been diagnosed with an early version of an auto-immune disease called Ankylosing Spondilitis, or AS for short. This is a disease with currently no known cause and no known cure. As far as I can articulate, this means my own immune system is fighting my body, causing severe pain in areas of bone and in areas where tendons attach to joints (in my case, at least). If left untreated, it can result in complete immobility and severe, unmanageable pain.
“Really? Man…I mean, I want an answer to this pain, but not a chronic disease! I want a more convenient answer!”
Believe it or not, the fear grew even worse post-diagnosis. I began thinking about how I needed to alter my life, my goals, and my dreams. I was ready to give up everything that I had worked so hard to accomplish in my life.
This is where my loved ones truly saved me. I was reminded the importance of staying positive, even in the midst of life’s most difficult challenges. Our friends demanded that we let them make us dinner, as even this most basic daily home activity was an impossibly challenging task. I was encouraged to hear stories of family, friends, and strangers alike who overcame similar and even worse challenges than my own. I was also encouraged by my doctors that with proper medication as well as a realistic and fervent approach to good health, there was no limit to what I could do with my body, with my mind, with my heart, and with my soul.
That means I can still play drums, too!
Thus, I began the process. I initiated medication. I studied articles, watched videos, and read stories about countless athletes, businessmen and businesswomen, creative professionals, and everyday people who defied the odds and actually improved their health after a diagnosis or an injury. Ray Lewis tolerated extreme pain during the last year of his Hall of Fame NFL career (during which he won a Super Bowl). Another man, a military veteran, was told he would not walk again after years of parachuting. He shocked everyone by bringing back his health and full mobility through yoga and proper nutrition. Oklahoma Sooners football alum Mark Andrews built his current NFL career while managing Diabetes since childhood. Cancer patients are living strong, beautiful, and fulfilling lives, while also cherishing every precious second we all have on Earth. Gordon Hayward has battled back from one of the most devastating injuries in a broken leg to rejoin his NBA teammates. He was supported by Kobe Bryant, who himself overcame many struggles and took pride in every single day he was given. I also read stories about musicians who toured the world carrying many more symptoms and medicine than I could even imagine having to deal with on the road.
Even Phyllis’s dad surprised everyone (including Michael Scott) when he stood out of his wheelchair to walk her down the aisle at her wedding! (fictional, but still…so real! The Office, man.)
I am choosing to believe that this was meant to be.
This is exactly my destiny. My diagnosis will not define me. It will inspire me to live my life to the fullest, and it will motivate me to stop being so darn dormant and wake up to the possibility of my potential. I will not stop until I have done my part to hopefully add value to society and the lives of those around me. I’m now in the process of recovering and working my tail off with my physical therapists and dietitians so I can get back in the world. Thank you for reading, thank you for all your love, and especially a thank you to those of you who took care of things while I have been out, and those of you who will accept me back in your work and lives. I’m getting there. I will get there.
Love,
Vinay